Stylized line drawing of mark playing the flute

Nothing else you do matters if you're fat

I am 38 years old. I am about 6' 1" and weigh around 230lbs.

This puts my BMI right at the beginning of the Obese range (problems with BMI aside).

I try to focus on what I can do over the numeric value of my weight.

I bike 10+ miles to and from work every day, all year round. I do bootcamp classes.

I run.

I've been running for several years, running my first marathon in 2014. Last fall, I decided to start increasing my mileage. I ran my second marathon in January 2016 and my third marathon in April 2016 plus numerous runs between 18-24 miles.

Then I ran a 50k ultramarathon.

At the time of this post, I've run just over 600 miles this year.

600 miles, 2 marathons, a 50k. All in less than 6 months.

What I didn't realize is that none of that matters because I'm fat.

I was talking to a relative after finishing my 50k and they said "Mark, with the amount of exercising you do, how are you not the skinniest person on earth?!?".

I was so shocked and hurt that I just mumbled out a non-response and walked away.

Months and months of hard work completely negated by the fact that my body doesn't match someone else's expectations.

That relative later apologized (after I mentioned how much their comment had hurt) but I can't quite let it go. I think about it less as time goes by and, eventually, I hope I won't think about it at all.

I want to believe that my body is my own. I want to believe that no other opinions are important.

I want to believe that it doesn't matter than I'm fat.