I am an asshole sometimes.
I work really hard not to be one, but I often fail. (Let’s be honest, more than I should.)
I get impatient and frustrated. Then I take it out on people who don’t deserve it.
Jane calls me out on it whenever she sees me being an asshole. Sometimes I’ll tell her a story full of righteous indignation about how I was WRONGED! She’s sympathetic but she has no qualms pointing out if the real problem was me.
She is an incredible judge of people and situations. One of my go-to strategies for dealing when I can’t even is to imagine what Jane would do.
My instinct is to get mad at her but I know that it only stings because I know she’s right. That pit I feel in my stomach isn’t because of her, it’s because I’m disappointed in myself.
I had a chance to be a bigger person, to be kind, and I blew it. That realization hurts. The good news is that it’s never too late. You can always do something to make up for it.
Redemption is a wonderful feeling.
I’m so grateful to her that she tells me these things. I think it’s one of the strongest ways to love a person.
To love a person in spite of their weakness.
To tell that person “I know that you can be better than this. I believe in you.”
To tell them, “In spite of your flaws, I love you.”
Sometimes I think it’s almost, “Because of your flaws, I love you.” Because, I don’t think I would want to be with someone who did not think he was a work in progress. We are all flawed. No one is his best self 100% of the time, and if he thinks he is, then he is not going to make a good partner.
I want someone who makes mistakes, and owns up to it. I want someone who knows that I am going to act like a bitch when I don’t get my workout because the pool was closed, but loves me anyway, and gives me a sneaky hug from behind even though I’m too pissed off to even turn around and reciprocate. Later, I’m going to realize that that was me, not being the best version of myself, and I will think, “Thank goodness I’m not with some jerk who just walked out of the room because I was so unpleasant.” The great thing about two imperfect people is that everybody get a turn to be the bigger person.