Stylized line drawing of mark playing the flute

Depression is like being in a loud room

Its like I was in a loud room for so long, I didn't know how long it was[all that] lingering tension and unhappiness just buzzing around in my skull.

I stole that title from a blog post by Wil Wheaton who speaks openly about his own depression, a fact that I am grateful for.

I wasnt sure if I wanted to write this. I'm not sure how I feel about sharing it.

As of today, I havent had a drink for 7 months. I don't miss it at all.

I've had low points before but I never thought of myself as depressed. I figured I was having a bad day like anyone else. But at some point near the end of 2014, that buzzing turned into a roar and I couldnt ignore it anymore.

I didn't feel in control and I didn't feel like me. And there seemed to be a direct correlation between that feeling and when I drank.

So, just after Christmas, I decided to see what not drinking felt like.

The effect was almost immediate.

Calm. Quiet.

The buzzing is gone. I feel in control of myself again.

Its quiet in my head.

For everyone else out there having a bad day, or year, or life; Ill leave you with one more quote:

You are not the only person in the world who has anxiety. You are not the only person in the world who has depression. Youre not the only person in the world who has thoughts of self-harm. There are people who want to help you. There are people who have spent their entire lives helping people like you and me.

And you're not alone. You are okay.